Hoarders

Ho-Made Pie Gal

 

 

Today, August 2nd, we're spending two days relaxing in a county RV park in Prineville, Oregon. This after an 1100-mile journey from Sedona through the Grand Canyon to Utah and Idaho. Now we're just 100 miles from our goal destination near Mt. Hood, Oregon. More on that later if you really give a damn.  But back to that Utah thing.

We crossed into Utah on Highway 89 through the northern Arizona Navajo Nation (always an eye-opener) and into the town of Kanab, a well-kept, tidy little place you expect in Mormon-dominated Utah. But not so fast. First thing you see is a roadside restaurant selling pies made by hos (pronounced "hoes"). A neon sign of a pie-making presumably Mormon gal showing plenty of cleavage. Never did find out what this was all about but it's what makes a road trip worth taking.

We mushed north on Highway 89, a designated Scenic Byway.

Scenic, yes, but we see the start of ominous weather building in the distance.

Before you know it, thunder, lightning, heavy rains and mudslides cover the scenic byway. Serious enough to bring in the law. We were lucky to get through because just behind us the hill gave way and traffic was stopped for hours. Ah yes, a road trip.

Stayed two nights at a very nice RV park called "Bauer's Canyon Ranch" in the small town of Glendale, Utah. It's actually part of a working ranch and except for a few flies it was a delightful place to park the all-new for 2014 Lance 1885 travel trailer with side slide pulled by our 2013 Toyota Prius V hybrid. (I'm getting on average 50 miles to the gallon but my all time best was 64.7. That's no joke.)

RV park signs.

The rig.



The rain caught up with us and our fellow campers including a rabbi and his family from Israel. They pitched a tent, were flooded overnight and had to dry things out before moving on to Tel Aviv.

This little Utah town like every town you pass through has its Latter Day Saints church, or two or three or four. This is the centerpiece of everything that is Utah.

And when it's your time for the dirt nap they'll even customize your casket or if you're still breathing outfit your kitchen with cabinets and a place to store your weapons. 

The most well kept sites in these small Utah towns are churches and bury patches. Most graves are marked with the nearest large LDS temple. Ours will most likely be marked with our places of worship: the neck of a jug of vino and an open bag of Fritos.

Here's a guy who's going to spend a few millennia in Mormon hell because he broke federal law and stole a scenic byway highway sign. Couldn't even nail the damn thing straight.

And speaking of scenic byway, right here in the middle of little Glendale, right on the main drag as you come into town is more crap than you'd find on a dairy farm. Some yards are nothing but a collection of unwanted, used up, dilapidated "stuff".  This trailer's actually for sale.

If you sneak around and peek in the windows, you'll see that everyone has satellite TV, watching Fox News. Now, what does that say? By the way, wasn't that Mitt what's his name that Obama beat the magic garments off of, wasn't he a Mormon?  Hmmm.....

You really have to ask why the hell can't everyone in a small town like this get on the same page and keep their communities clean. We refer back to much larger places like Fairhope, Alabama, Fredericksburg, Texas, Sedona, Arizona and most places in Oregon such as where we are now, Prineville, as examples of communities that really do care and are proud to put themselves on show. We add that Kanab, Utah is also one of those places. It actually takes very little to keep up with the garbage but once it starts collecting it tends to overwhelm the collector and you're liable to wind up on one of the Discovery Channels as part of  its "Hoarding: Buried Alive" series.  

More crap right on the main highway. But I suppose if you're a fan of another TV show like "American Pickers" these places are ripe for one of their so-called "Archeological Antique" picks which really are nothing but people buying other people's junk that they sell to themed restaurants like "Fridays", "Texas Roadhouse" and the like. But those two guys on "Pickers" did outfit William Shatner's house with somebody's else's crap that he most likely paid for with his Priceline wealth. Wish I had Priceline stock.

So to escape all that junk we repair to our lair and do what we do best: eat then pay homage to Anthony Weiner (note beer bottle) while Daisy wonders what the hell is goin' on.

Here's Paul polishing off his second six pack.

And Daisy with her new squeaky rubber toy cabernet bottle (we're starting her off young) wearing her Mormon sister wife bandana and licking her chops after eating a candy bar.  Soon after this picture was taken she went into toxic shock but recovered overnight and we were told it was the two-pound Almond Joy she ate. But we think that's B.S.

With Daisy back in the pink we're off  to what's literally called "the middle of nowhere" and the most expensive gas found on the planet. So down the road we go.

Bye bye. Buy Starbucks.